


You can hear it in the silence

by fairytalelights



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-23
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-25 10:49:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3807535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairytalelights/pseuds/fairytalelights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Dan is in love, Louise is meddling and there is a bottle of tequila involved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You can hear it in the silence

Dan didn't really know when it started. Maybe when he first clicked on a video made by “AmazingPhil”, maybe during late night skype calls, maybe at a train station in Manchester when he finally saw Phil's blue eyes for real, when he hugged him and never wanted to let go. He just knew there was no coming back from this situation he got himself in somehow.

There would never be a time when he would not be in love with his best friend.

 

It was at a house party with some other youtubers and some people Dan had never seen before in his life, where he hadn't managed to find a good place to hide, so he just settled for sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, watching other people dance and getting more and more drunk with each person Phil talked to.

When Louise came and sat down next to him, Dan had already surpassed tipsyness and was well on his way to incredibly drunk.

“Are you alright?” she asked him and her tone wasn't judgemental, it was so worried that Dan couldn't bring himself to lie to her.

“No,” he answered and started laughing. “No, I am most definitely not, but the tequila helps.”

“Do you want to tell me what's wrong?” she said softly and she sounded so much like his mum that Dan had to laugh again, almost hysterically. “Definitely not, but after a bit more alcohol, I might just do it anyway.”

They were silent for a while and Dan got back to staring at Phil on the dance floor, awkwardly trying to dance and failing miserably, but he was laughing while doing so and he wasn't even slighty ashamed. He just looked so happy. Dan felt tears prickle behind his eyes and he took another big gulp out of the bottle.

Louise stared at him and it looked like she was contemplating wether or not she wanted to say something, but Dan must have looked so pathetic that she did.

“Dan, I'm only gonna ask this once and if you don't want to, I'm never gonna bring it up again. But are you in love with Phil?”

Dan stared at Louise for a moment and there was a pull in his stomach and just like that, he told her the thing he had been holding on and keeping to himself for three years. “Of course I am. I don't know how not to be. I never learned.”

His voice was shaking and Louise didn't say anything, she just wrapped her arms around him and they stayed like that for a while until Dan knew that he would really start crying if she told him everything was going to be okay one more time.

 

Because it was not going to be okay, there was no way out of this situation, it would just stay like this forever until Dan got over it or moved out. He knew that he couldn't get over it and he also knew that he couldn't move out, it hurt to have Phil so close to him, but it would hurt more to not see him every day and he couldn't give up his best friend.

That's also why he never even considered the third option: Telling Phil. Because he didn't feel the same or else he would have done something when they first met, when Dan was being flirty and kept sending signals, until eventually he got the message and stopped, because cleary Phil wasn't interested in him as more than a friend.

But the thing was: He _was_ interested in him as a friend and Dan told himself that it was enough, that whatever Phil wanted them to be, it would always be enough.

 

“Dan...” Louise started again and he realized he might have said some of that out loud. “Dan, maybe that isn't true, I don't know how Phil feels, but maybe you should take the risk.”

“No. If I wanted that, I would have done it a long time ago. This is my problem, not his. I only told you because I am drunk as fuck right now and I've had a really shitty week. Okay, a shitty year, to be honest. I'm just gonna go home now.”

He didn't look up when he left, because he just couldn't bare to see the pitiful look on Louise's face.

When he woke up the next morning he was incredibly hung over and he just hoped Phil didn't bring anyone home, because he didn't know how he would manage to deal with that. Probably not at all. (He was being unfair, Phil never brought anyone over, he wasn't the type for one night stands. Or relationships for that matter, at least he didn't have one in the three years since he met Dan. Dan didn't have one either, but he was pathetic and in love with his best friend, so that didn't count.)

 

Dan stepped into the kitchen and murmured something unintelligible to Phil, fully intending to just grab some cereal, go back into bed again and avoid all interaction with him this early in the morning.

But there Phil was, fully awake, staring at Dan with an anxious look on his face.

“Hey... can we talk?”

 _He knows_ was the first thought to come into Dan's head and he tried to sound as casual as possible when he answered. “Sure, what about?”

“You know, last night... Louise talked to me and told me some things... and... I think I should move out.”

“What?” There was a loud clatter when Dan let his bowl of cereal fall onto the floor and milk splashed everywhere.

“No, no, I can explain that, I didn't mean what I told Louise, it was a misunderstanding, please don't move out, I can fix this.”

Phil just looked confused. “What, you talked to Louise? I thought she just came up with this on her own?”

“... What did Louise even tell you?” Dan asked, terrified his world would come crashing down any moment now and there wasn't anything he could do to stop it.

“She... she may have implied that you're not happy right now. She asked me if you had a relationship in the past few years and if I noticed something different about you and I realized - you haven't been happy in a long time and I feel like maybe that's my fault, because I'm just occupying your time and you feel guilty if you go out to meet people while I am staying home, but you don't have to feel guilty, it would be totally fine for me if you skipped movie night once in a while, but maybe you just need your own space... So I thought it would be best if I moved out,” Phil finished and looked up at Dan. If he didn't know any better, Dan would say that Phil looked just as scared as he felt right now.

“Phil... You're an idiot.” Dan took a deep breath, because there was a line he could cross right now and there would be no coming back from it. He could also leave it be, tell Phil not to move out and that he was happy, but Dan was done lying. It was like a switch was flipped when Louise confronted him last night and now that he had already said it out loud once, he couldn't keep it in anymore.

“Louise wasn't trying to tell you to move out. She was trying to tell you... I mean, what _I_ am trying to tell you, is...” His throat closed up and all Dan wanted to do was run away, to forget this conversation ever happened, but Phil was looking at him and he was just as scared as Dan was and Dan _couldn't lose this_.

“I'm in love with you Phil. I always have been and I never knew how to turn it off, even when I knew you didn't want me, I just... I didn't know how to stop,” he said helplessly, looking up at Phil.

“Dan... you... You're such a moron, I'm so mad at you right now,” Phil said, crossing the kitchen barefooted, even though it was still wet from the milk Dan spilled earlier, and kissed him.

Dan's hands were still shaking, but he held onto Phil's hips as hard as he could, pulling him closer to his body. Phil let out a small sigh and murmured into the kiss “Why didn't you say something you idiot?” Dan kissed back harder in return, then he let go for a moment. “Yeah, right back at you.”

“You were so young and I didn't want to push you into anything you didn't want. You had just broken up with your girlfriend, you weren't even sure you liked guys.”

“Oh believe me, I am sure,” Dan whispered and kissed Phil again. They could have this discussion later.

 

(They made a cake for Louise, because Phil insisted on a heartfelt gesture to show her how thankful they were for her meddling. Dan added a bottle of tequila with a note that said “In case you ever need to ramble about your problems to anyone”. He wouldn't need it anymore.)

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Taylor Swift's "You Are In Love".  
> Thank you for beta-ing this, Isa <3 (Also, this is for you Ziska, because you asked for another Phanfic once.)  
> (I'm here on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/fairytalelights) and on [Tumblr](https://lookslikefairytale.tumblr.com), if you wanna say hi.)


End file.
